It Is Well

“Lily do you understand?”

“Does this mean I can wear makeup now?”

This is what my six years old self said when I found out that my father had passed away in his sleep.

It wasn’t until much later until I fully understood that my daddy was not coming back.

After my daddy passed I would have these vivid dreams that he was still alive, that he was just taking a lot more time coming home from his business trip. I would find myself running downstairs to the kitchen yelling “DADDY’S HOME” just to find my dog laying on his bed and no one else. I once told my mom “But daddy still could be alive” after watching The Littlest Princess. When my mom started dating the man that I now call “my dad” is when I knew that daddy was gone.

I’m writing this because I want you to know I’m not stranger to death. In fact out of my 20 years of life I’ve been to more funerals than I have weddings. Now I’m not writing this for pity or even for people to say “Wow look at how strong she is”. I’m writing this because I want you to know you’re not alone in your pain.

As I said death is no stranger, and this past year keeps reminding me of that.

I’m tired.

I’m weak.

I’m not okay.

I want to lay in bed for hours and ask the most famous question of all “Why?”

Why in there death?

Why is there hurt?

Why do I still love people when all they do is leave?

I have these questions EVERYDAY, and I get the same answers that always seem to give me peace.

There is death because there is sin.

There is hurt because there is sin.

You love others because I first loved you.

Two of my favorite verses are

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds” James 1:2

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

Throughout my life God has whispered to me “Choose Joy”.

SO MUCH EASIER SAID THEN DONE!! There are times when I can’t find joy, when it feels like this world is too much, but then I’m reminded that the Lord comforts me when I cannot move due to the pain, and in this I find joy.

When I was in India I went to a leprosy colony. The people living in the colony knew that they would not live long. The world had told them that they are worthless and that they were the outcasts, yet they were the most joyful people I have ever met. They knew that the Lord loved them and that was enough for them. They call to him and he comforts them.

 

My favorite song is the hymn It Is Well With My Soul

The hymnist Horatio Spafford lost everything he had in the 1871 Great Chicago Fire. His children drowned in a shipwreck on their way to Europe. He experienced loss after loss, but he still found comfort in Jesus and wrote this hymn. He has such an outstanding story of God’s joy and comfort that I encourage you to look up.

 

At this moment in time my heart aches for my own personal grief and for the pain in this world. We as humans can do nothing on our own. We have to come to a point where we can no longer rely on our own strength, because this world gives us things we cannot handle. We have to throw pride aside and realize we are NOT okay, we are NOT fine, and we WON’T just get over it. Once we do that and ask the Lord for help and comfort he will provide just that.

He will help us through the hard times.

Through the times when we ask “Why”.

Through the trials we can’t handle.

 

I leave you with this

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

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A Touch and a Smile

When I was in Jaipur India last winter with my YWAM team staying at the Jaipur YWAM base, a group of us would visit the Mother Teresa Home for the sick and the dying. The women I visited with were India’s throw- a -ways. They were old, sick and disabled and they had no to love and care for them. If the Mother Teresa’s home did not take them in they would be living their last days begging on the street. So we would go and hold their hands, let them stroke our face and play with our hair. We would put music on and dance with the ones who could get to their feet—or we would swing arms in rhythm to the music with the women who were too weak to stand. We would sit quietly next to them; we would talk to them, and pray with them. They could not understand our words but they understood we believed they were important. That we loved them just as God loved them.
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We all need to know we are important enough to have our hands held, our cheek kissed and our needs lifted up to our heavenly Father.

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I am in Port Townsend, WA living at the YWAM base on the beautiful and picturesque Discovery Bay. There are no visible signs of poverty in the community but there are many people who feel like they have been thrown away and forgotten; they are the elderly patients in the local nursing home. Oh the building is a palace compared to Mother Teresa’s home but the loneliness is just as potent. So I have begun taking a car load of YWAM girls each week to sit and hold hands with the old, sick and depressed. We put music on and dance with the ones who can get to their feet. We sit with them and eat together. We talk, laugh and pray with them and let them know they are important to us and we love them as God loves them.
God has revealed to me that each person wants to know someone loves them enough that another will stop what they are doing long enough to hold their hand, to say a pray and give them a kiss on the cheek.

My Corner Of the World

I live in a town where everything closes at six.

I live in a town where the post office is bigger then most houses.

I live in a town where the youth are trying to get out and the old are trying to stay in.

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Port Townsend… Where do I even begin?

The population is smaller than my High School.

You have to make it a day going to Walmart.

The closest thing to “night life” is going to McDonald’s at ten.

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Someone once said “The happy hippies live in Port Townsend and the angry ones moved to Seattle.” I can’t say that they’re wrong. Everyone is this town is so kind, so warm hearted, so content.

This blog mainly is to express my growing heart for this place. As I sit in my favorite coffee shop I look around at the people. To my right sits a girl her hair jet black with one strip of white running down the side. She sips on her tea drawing beautiful pictures that come from the creative mind the Lord gave her. In front of me are three old men; one with a banjo, another with a fiddle and their leader with a guitar. They walked in unannounced and started filling the room with music and joy. As I sit here and listen to one song after another I realize this is where the Lord wants me at this time. Nothing is more comforting than knowing I am exactly where I need to be during this season of my life. Not worrying about what tomorrow brings, but being at peace of what today has brought. Not worried about what I will be two years from now, but joyous of what has happened in the last two minutes.
I’m here to serve the Lord, to lead others to serve as well; to disciple future missionaries, to help grow their heart for the lost and lonely, to bring joy.

The unconditional joy that only Jesus can provide; the kind of joy you can count on when everything seems to be falling around you.

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I live in a town of seekers.

I live in a town where the lost will be found.

I live in a town where joy is ready to surround.

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My Plans VS His Plans

Plans: They never seem to go exactly the way we expect.

“WE”

That’s the key word here.

When I left for Hawaii, I had set out, with a plan.

Go to Hawaii.

Attend my first YWAM DTS and share my Faith in the world.

Come back home.

Start MY path of being a preschool teacher.

But God has HIS way of doing things.

While at YWAM I told The Lord I wanted to follow his plan (thinking his plan was my plan). I thought I had things figured out, but God redirected my life. When I returned home everything I wanted to do changed. I was more confused than ever. Plans that I had made, were not coming together. Classes I wanted to take were, not available. I was at a lost!  Friends and Family would ask “So what is your next plan?” I’ve never dreaded hearing that question more. I had no idea what my next step was. I was completely lost.

But The Lord knew the plan all along.

He has called me to continue with YWAM. I will be on staff and in the Basic Leadership School for the next two years, at the Discovery Bay YWAM Base in Port Townsend, WA. There I will grow in servant-heartedness, in leadership calling and in exercising leadership values and skills, with the goal of becoming a leader after God’s heart. I will be applying my leadership skills to lead two mission teams overseas.

 

It’s an amazing opportunity that I cannot do by myself. Part of the program is humbling myself and asking for the support of others.

This summer I am working at Camp Berachah, in Auburn WA as the overnight horse camp leader. Another change of MY plans. With a camp salary I cannot raise all of the needed support.

So, I am asking for YOUR support and partnership in this Mission.

  • Support in Prayer: For monetary support, focus, safety, resolve, health, humility, and for anything else you can think of.
  • Support in Encouragement: through letters, Facebook, e-mail etc.
  • Support in Finance: I will need about $1,000 dollars a month. It costs $650 for room, board and personal expenses. $350 will cover leadership, transportation and overseas missions. All YWAM staff and missionaries, from the founder to the janitor must depend on the support of those who believe in this mission.

The Lord never calls to do things on our own, and this is why I humbly ask for you to join me in this next adventure.

Check out/ Donate to: http://www.ywamdb.com/

https://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/ywam-staff-volunteer-/178699

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One day and One Sleepless Night

One more day to pack my things.

One more day in comfort.

One more day in stability.

Tomorrow at midnight I board a plane to India.

Tomorrow I board a plane away from my comfort zone.

Tomorrow I leave a stable life style.

As I sit here in Starbucks writing my blog, I think back on these last three months. How I’ve grown in Christ. How I’ve been able to put my trust in Him. How I’ve seen love. How I’ve shown love. Now I take all that I’ve learned along with some socks and a toothbrush to India/Sri Lanka, and to be honest I couldn’t be more… terrified. Terrified not to have a warm shower, recognizable food, and the ability to wear a clean pare of jeans . Terrified to be torn from comfort… But how can you change the world being comfortable? The answer is… You can’t. Being comfortable is a dangerous place to be. You can’t have comfort with change. You can’t grow with comfort. Along with the terror of leaving my comfort zone, I’m also excited to be uncomfortable. I’m excited to see change. I’m excited to show love. I’m excited to be pushed to do things I never thought I would do.

Tomorrow I board a plane to my next adventure.

Tomorrow I embrace a whole new culture.

 

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He Knows My Road Map

What’s my calling? More like what’s my gift? I’m talented in some things yes, but talented and gifted are two different thing. I consider myself a talented singer, but not a gifted musician. What am I passionate about? I’m a talented writer (at times), but I’m not passionate about writing… at all.

What am I gifted in?

What am I passionate about?

Every Wednesday I teach children at Kalihi Elementary School. I sit in the back and help children one on one with their reading skills. For the majority of these children English is a second language. These children live with little to nothing. Most of them have behavioral issues. They yell, curse, and make messes, but every Wednesday I wake up with a smile on my face knowing I’m helping these children the best way I can. I love knowing that the few hours I spend at the school each week doesn’t go to waste.

When I get talking about teaching at this school, I can’t help but smile.

I could continue for hours telling stories about how amazing these children are.

I could go on for days talking about the silly things they do or say.

So what am I passionate about?

Changing the lives of children.

What am I gifted in?

Changing the lives of children.

My plans are never set in stone, but God’s are. He knows my road map.

As I’m writing of this I think of a time at a speech and debate tournament. All the debaters were talking politics. All the interp speakers were fighting for attention. But where was I during all this? Sitting in a circle of children telling them story after story.

So what am I called to do?

Maybe a teacher?

Maybe a story teller?

I have my talents to help improve my gifts, and I can’t wait to see what God will do with them.1424445_10151979701315932_1975329094_n

Closest Thing to Home…

Week 1 : I miss home… The people, the sounds, the smells and yes even the weather. It’s so much different here…. to be honest a bit scary. It’s hot and sticky, it smells muggy, I don’t know many people, and the sounds are not to my liking.

Week 2 : I miss home… My house, my bed, my dog, and my family. The housing is crammed and stuffy, my bed feels like a bed of rocks, the only animals I’ve meet are people. People who I can’t yet call my family. But the sound of birds is actually quite peacful.

Week 3: I miss home… My mom’s cooking, my sister’s smile, and yes even my father’s remote control situation. The food is not like my mom’s, no smile compares to my sister’s and I have no dad to bicker with… but the smells here aren’t too bad.

Week 4: I miss home… but the sounds here are music to my ears, the air smells of flowers, and the people are kind and loving. the weather’s not too bad… There is a dog on the base, and I could always buy a mat for my bed.

Week 5: The food isn’t that bad, the smiles here are beautiful, I constantly have to ask someone to help fix the internet. The house is a tad more comfy…and there’s a Starbucks just down the street… Well I guess for now it’s the closest thing to home.